About five months after my “hell day” and during the same month my divorce was final, Phil was sentenced to serve prison time. During Phil’s sentencing, the charges of his abuse involving my oldest child were dropped as part of the plea bargaining. She would still be a victim “of record”, but the abuse she suffered would not be considered in the sentencing. The charges involving only two of the children would be upheld and used in the decision. Phil was given a sentence of “five years to life” in prison. He would serve only five of those years at this time.
My family and I were angry that he may serve a mere five years of prison time for his crimes against the young children we loved so much. This sentence meant that he would be reevaluated after he had served five years and could be released on parole if he had been a well behaved inmate. During his time in prison, Phil participated in all the therapy offered to him. He passed the rehabilitation program with flying colors – to the authorities there he looked like a model prisoner. So, after five years his case was reviewed by the Board of Pardons and the parole board granted him a release from prison with the stipulation that he would be on parole. During this parole time his activities would be monitored. He would not be allowed to be around children, especially unsupervised. The monitoring system was partially an “honor system”, and though Phil had to report in to his parole officer, he wouldn’t be tracked or traced and would largely be able to live the life he chose. Phil eventually broke the rules, especially the provision that he couldn’t be around children, and was around children many times over the next five years.
In response to a strong impression, one of my siblings went to visit Phil in prison during those first five years. I know this took a tremendous amount of courage to go and see him, but was motivated by a couple of things. She wanted to help protect the children and warned him to stay away from our family and from any of the children in the family when the time came that he was released from prison. Guided by her Christian beliefs, she also told Phil that the Lord loved him and didn’t want to see his life continue on this path. I admired her for acting on this spiritual impression – I could not have done the same at the time. Life was still too painful for me to see Phil and talk to him about anything. I never wanted to see him again.
I was not notified when Phil was released from prison after being incarcerated for those five years. There are programs in place now that will allow notification when a prisoner is released, and anyone can sign up to receive those notifications. That program was not in place then, and because the charges connected to my child had been dropped, she was not considered a victim in the case and therefore we would not be notified of a change in his prison status. Up to that point in time, I had felt great comfort that Phil was in prison and not able to access any children. For those five years I was able to go through my days and not worry that he was out in public somewhere nearby and may try and make contact with my children. After approximately five years of his time served, I kept having feelings that I should call someone and find out if Phil was being released. The feeling nagged at me for several days.
As a single parent and alone in my home with my children, I assumed that I would be afraid to be without a protector in my home and fearful of being alone, especially at night. But that was not the case. The realization that the “protector” husband and father in my home was in actuality the “monster” that would hurt us, I felt safe now that he was gone. During those years of Phil’s incarceration, I felt an extra measure of help and protection from a higher power, and knew that my little family was being watched over. In my prayers I asked that a “bubble” like protection would surround my home – I visualized my little home in a huge “spiritual bubble” that looked a lot like a bubble you would blow from a child’s bubble wand. Unlike a bubble that would pop, this bubble was strong, impenetrable by any evil spirits that may be lurking around, or by any earthly physical persons that might seek a place to cause harm. I felt protected and was never afraid.
Until one night. It was during the time I was having that nagging feeling that I should call and find out what Phil’s current situation was. Every night (as parents do) I would go around my home, close the window blinds and check the doors to make sure that they were locked. It was a Wednesday night, and on this night as I opened front door to check and make sure all was well at the front of my home, I had the distinct impression that someone was watching my house. I didn’t see anyone, but a feeling of darkness came into my heart and I felt afraid. I closed and locked the door and said an earnest prayer of protection for that night.
Two days later on Friday afternoon, I finally made that phone call the spirit had been urging me to make. The officer I spoke with told me that Phil had in fact been released from prison that very week on Tuesday, just four days before. I didn’t know where Phil was living now or what he would be doing with his time, but I feel strongly that it was him who was watching my house that Wednesday night. I was living in the same home we had lived in, and thought that he probably knew I was still living there. Many times the spirit would guide me or warn me of things in my life for me and my children, and I know that night was a warning voice from the spirit of the Lord.
After Phil’s release from prison, I found out through friends that he had taken on a male companion, for which I was grateful. I hoped that having an adult companion would keep him away from children. As time went on, I was able to piece together additional things that happened during Phil’s release and parole. Thankfully, he did not try to contact me or my family. I found out that he had toured through Europe twice with a group that included children and lied to his parole officer that he had not been around children. The first time he toured, he asked permission from his parole officer to tour, promising that children would not be with the tour group. While watching the news one night when the tour group was leaving for Europe, Phil’s parole officer saw a news story showing the group heading to Europe, many children included in the group. That was one lie. Later he toured in Europe again, this time he didn’t ask permission to leave the country. When questioned later by the authorities about this incident and why he left the country without his parole officers’ knowledge, Phil remarked that he didn’t ask permission because he was afraid he wouldn’t be allowed to go. While on these tours, Phil did spend personal time with children, once again breaking the stipulations of his parole.
Phil had made friends on this tour, and a kind man we will call Doug had taken Phil under his wing. He extended Christian friendship to Phil and though he knew that Phil had served prison time, he did not know the reason for the prison term. Unfortunately Phil had the same characteristics that pedophiles use. Phil would be friendly, kind and engaging with people which would earn him the trust of other adults. He would seek out families with children and give the children extra attention, connecting with them on their level and providing activities they would enjoy together. Once he knew that he was trusted by the parents and their children, he took advantage, creating situations where he could be alone with the children. Phil used his friendship with Doug to abuse his two young sons right in their own home. Not knowing at first that this abuse was happening to his children, Doug began to be curious about the reason for Phil’s prison term and started asking questions to other associates in the group. Some of them knew why Phil had been in prison, and Doug found out through them. I’ve wondered what went through this man’s mind when he learned the truth. I’m sure he felt sick as he “connected the dots”, recalling the “alone time” that Phil had with his children. Doug did some searching and found out who Phil’s parole officer was. Doug called the officer and told him that Phil had spent time in his home often and had been in the company of Doug’s children. Doug and the parole officer then set up a “sting” to catch Phil breaking his parole, that of simply being near children. When Phil was visiting one night at Doug’s home, the parole officer showed up and took Phil into custody.
After this incident, another hearing was held, and Phil was found guilty of abusing Doug’s two children. Phil was sent back to prison, this time for a minimum of 12 years before he could have another parole board hearing. Learning of Doug’s story was another blow to me and I felt great sadness for these newly abused children. I also felt relief that Phil was returning to prison to pay for his newly committed crimes. Knowing he would be incarcerated once again made me grateful for two things. One, that Phil would be off the street, unable to hurt any other children or infringe upon the lives of my children and loved ones. And two, that I wouldn’t have to worry for a long time if I would see him or run into him again. Even though my life still felt like I was standing in a barren field of weeds, those two things caused more hope to grow in my heart and made me feel that my family’s life could start to bloom again even in the weeds.