There are many references in scripture about broken hearts and contrite hearts. Most of them have to do with repentance, making things right between us and God for the things we have done wrong. We develop a broken heart because our behaviors have caused a distance to come between us and God, and that distance is painful. In the dictionary “broken hearted” means “suffering from great sorrow or disappointment.” The definition of a “contrite heart” is “feeling or expressing sorrow or regret.” If we have a contrite heart it means that we are sorry when we have done something wrong and thereby become humble and teachable, ready to return to God and live a more righteous life.
The words, “broken heart” brings a tangible image into our minds – we can picture what it feels like to have a broken heart. It is probably something that we have all experienced in our lives in one form or another. In the past when hearing the phrase, “broken heart”, I imagined that someone was penitent and having regret for something they’d done wrong. I had read scriptures many times about broken hearts, but until my struggle was personal, I had never really understood that the scriptures’ meaning was literal, not just figurative. I thought the scriptures were saying that we needed to have an attitude of humility; hearts open to hearing the word of the Lord and turning our hearts to Him. That’s undoubtedly part of it, but for the first time in my life the idea of a broken heart became very real to me.
I understand scriptures about broken hearts now in a very different way. My heart had indeed been broken. My husband was a criminal, my children and other children had been harmed, and it broke my heart! Terrible, awful things had been done to them at his hand, and my heart had been wounded because they had been wounded. I didn’t think my heart could ever feel any happiness or joy again. I didn’t think any part of me would ever be whole again. I felt imprisoned by this new truth that had entered my life. And my heart had been broken by Phil’s behavior.
The truth is, I learned that broken hearts can be mended, even if it’s broken because something very sad has happened in our lives. A broken heart can actually inspire us to turn to the Lord in times of trouble, because we are totally lost and don’t know what to do. Christ wants us to receive His spirit with full heart, and often we must feel a broken heart before that can happen. A broken heart, when accompanied by humility, turns into a contrite heart which makes us vulnerable and teachable. A teachable heart means we listen to the Lord’s spirit to guide and direct us during hard times rather than just being on our own to find our way out of a mess. It is difficult to let go of some of our own stubbornness so we can be teachable. Often the trials in our lives help us shed the barriers that keep us from turning to God. Broken hearts inevitably help us shed those barriers and give us a sincere desire to know what the Lord would like us to learn through those trials.
My world felt shattered, and I didn’t want to be around friends or acquaintances and I certainly didn’t want to go to church knowing that everyone there would be looking at me in a different way than I’d ever been looked at before. I know that in some ways, it may have been temporarily easier for me if I hadn’t gone back to church meetings. It may have saved me some embarrassment and feelings of not belonging. It was hard to face people, to hold my head up and not to be overwhelmed by the humiliation of it all. But I found that attending my Sunday meetings helped me. I listened to the messages, hungry to hear every word spoken and found that there was something for me – a message I needed to hear in every meeting. My heart was touched by the spirit every time. Attending church was like manna from heaven, feeding my aching soul. I needed this spiritual manna so badly – it was heavenly nourishment to my spirit. Our trials contribute to how we feel about everything, but if I had put up a barrier and decided not to attend church, putting up walls because I’d been hurt, it wouldn’t really have protected me from anything. It would only have kept me from receiving the needed messages I needed to heal my broken heart. If we truly want to heal, we have to take those inner walls down and let the light of Christ in. We have to look beyond our hurt and pain, and sacrifice our self-made protections so that the spirit can teach us and change our hearts.
In our modern day, the Lord doesn’t ask us for burnt offering sacrifices as he did in the Old Testament, which in many cases might be an easier request. But He does ask us for a gentle heart and a contrite spirit. He asks us to personally sacrifice our own desires to be more like His. He asks us to take up our cross and follow Him. He asks us to change our hearts so that we may be open to receiving His spirit.
“The real act of personal sacrifice is not now nor ever has been placing an animal on the altar. Instead, it is a willingness to put the animal that is in us upon the altar – then willingly watching it be consumed! Such is the “sacrifice [unto the Lord] of a broken heart and a contrite spirit.”
-Neal Maxwell
A broken heart = a true connection and relationship to Christ.
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