It was difficult for me to have a positive attitude during those first few months after learning the truth. I couldn’t find it within myself to have a positive attitude about most anything. I was so weighed down with the demands of this new life I was having to face. As I struggled with the stresses of everyday life, I also started thinking about the kind of person I wanted to be, trials or not. Did I want to be bitter, angry and mean? Did I want to wake up every morning overcome with hopelessness, fear and despair? Did I want to remain emotionally trapped by the burden that this situation had created? The answer was a definite no! My mother and father had not raised me to want those types of things. They taught me love, kindness, service and sacrifice for others. I determined that I wanted to be what my mother and father had taught me to be and feel joy once again. I wanted to be the “me” I had begun life with.
Because of Phil’s manipulation, I did not see the small changes in myself over the course of the time we were married. I had allowed self-doubt to creep in. I had lost much of my faith and belief in myself as I began to believe Phil’s opinions about how silly I was over feelings I had. It was a slow process over a few years and I didn’t see it happening in myself. But once Phil was out of my life, I recognized that I had lost much of who I was – I had lost Sophia. Maybe not totally lost, but the old Sophia was hiding somewhere underneath the bitter pain. I wanted to be myself again, and so it started. Through many personal choices and attitudes, I started to find myself again. It was a wonderful journey to find me and remember who I was.
I started making choices for myself, I wanted to feel more positive and look for the good in people and in life. Having gratitude was a first big step to begin healing and I wanted to be a “glass half full” kind of person instead of a “glass half empty” person. So very conscientiously I pulled myself away from negative thoughts and tried not to live in the painful past. I tried to deal with the truth, but I also didn’t want my every day actions to be a reaction to what I’d been through, or a reliving of painful events. I wanted to create a new life for me and my children. I wanted to make happy memories and build upon those. We started some small traditions that became tangible things to hold on to and look forward to. I learned that when you’re going through a trial, thinking positively takes a huge amount effort, but it is worth every effort. I could take a negative thought about something and replace it with a positive thought instead. It took creativity, prayer and a decision to practice positive thinking. It was not easy, but working toward and choosing optimism made me happier and made my home a place of increased contentment. Choosing to think positively helped to heal my soul.
I found that people who think positively have happier lives, often healthier bodies and better relationships. I’ve read stories about people with tremendous physical trials – their lives are not easy, but somehow they’ve made the choice to be happy even if they can’t move their bodies or do things with ease. Positive thinking is imperative to our emotional recovery. It welcomes light from our Heavenly Father, and will allow His messages of guidance and love to be felt in our hearts. It opens up the conduit between us and heavenly powers, allowing personal revelation to get through to us. Positive attitudes are magnetic and bring more positive things into our lives.
On the flip side of positive thinking is of course negative thinking. Focusing on negative things brings unhappiness, I believe more physical illness and a sense of unease. Finding things to complain about and focusing on bad things too often brings more sadness and emotional discontent. Just as positive thinking is a magnet for more positives to come into our lives, too much negative thinking will also produce more negatives in our lives. We give Satan more power over our thoughts and actions if we continue with a pessimistic outlook. He then gains control over who we are, which may change our ability to choose positive and happy thoughts. If we constantly live with a negative state of mind, that’s how it will stay. And it will only go downhill from there.
I know there are dark circumstances that come into our lives. If we are honest with ourselves, there is much that can bring us down in life. I understand that very well! I’m not suggesting that we all act like life is wonderful all the time. We can’t ignore hard things and truths in life by living with our heads in the sand, but staying in a dark place in our hearts will not improve our lives. Satan would like us to stay in his darkness, and he desires to bring us to his level of unhappiness. He would like to keep us in emotional bondage, always having doubts about who we are and questioning if we are worthy of any higher thoughts than the ones he and his angels of darkness deliver to our minds. He would like to claim our souls as his. But we can’t give in! We must fight him, and it is a very real fight. In many cases it may be a personal war that must be fought over and over. In spite of the fight, the Lord is always on our side, pulling for us to win. In the Old Testament, 2 Kings, chapter 6 is the story of an Asyrian army that has come to attack the Israelites. The Israelites are surrounded by the enemy, but the prophet Elisha tells a worried servant who fears the attacking army, “Fear not: for they that be with us are more that they that be with them.” Elisha has the spiritual eyes to see a “mountain full of horses and chariots of fire round about” them to protect them, knowing that God is mindful of their situation and with His power is protecting them on every side. We can also have spirits of light at our side, supporting us as we battle to win this war with Satan. The spirits that follow Satan are pulling us one way – they do come, but the spirits of light in the Lord’s army are beaconing us an opposite direction because they also come, but with more power. I have felt Satan’s pull, and sometimes I’ve almost let him win. But I knew ultimately I didn’t want the kind of life Satan has to offer. I wanted the Light of Christ to be my life choice.
We all have problems, troubles and sometimes extreme challenges to live with. We are here on this earth to live this life, good and bad, so why not make it as happy as possible? Why not believe the scriptures that tell us that “men are that they might have joy”? Why not believe that the Lord loves and cares for us? Because I know He does. If we will focus on our blessings, then we can have happiness even in sad times.
If we want to feel more positive in our lives, we can start by asking ourselves a few questions. Do you believe that you are a child of God? Do you believe that He wants happiness for you? Do you believe that He wants you to feel joy? If in doubt, ask Him, and He will tell you who you are and what He feels about you. You’ll feel it in your heart – it will feel joyful! Our Heavenly Father can help to bring us a remembrance of who we are. We are His children and He loves us beyond our ability to understand or comprehend.
After learning that Phil had abused our children and other children, the simple fact that he had broken the commandments of God stood out like a flashing neon sign. I thought a lot about his broken covenants, broken promises and how that all stemmed from his disregard for obedience and his subsequent ease in breaking the commandments. The things I had always learned regarding the importance of keeping the commandments of God were in the forefront of my thoughts. If Phil had only obeyed the commandments, none of this would ever have happened. My family and I would not have been so hurt if he’d chosen to obey the Lord’s commands. He knew what they were – he knew what was right and what was wrong. He made a devastating choice for all of us.
I know that the Lord’s commandments are given to us for our good and for the good of others. Some see commandments as restrictions that keep us from making our own personal choices. I see them as gifts, given to bless our lives and to keep us and others safe from spiritual harm. They are given as protection against Satan’s temptations. If we choose to obey them, we will be blessed. If we break the commandments, it often starts a chain of events that lead to heartache and grief.
Sometimes the choices we have to make aren’t just between right and wrong, but they are between two or more good things. This makes our choosing quite a bit harder. What do we choose when it appears that there are two good answers?
As a single parent I needed to be in the work force, and I was blessed to find employment where the hours allowed me to arrive home at the same time my children came home from school. When I began working outside the home again, I got a job working at a good place and made some wonderful friends. I worked there for several months, and I was happy in my job. Then suddenly I was transferred to another building in the same line of work, but with all new people. My comfort zone had been shaken. The new job was ok, but I it wasn’t my favorite place to be. As this new job went along however, I saw the Lord’s hand in what had happened. One day in conversation with a coworker, I found out that she had been abused by her father and was struggling with the emotions it produced, and she was trying to heal over the abuse. As she got older, she had a child out of wedlock. She loved this daughter more than anything, and she wanted to make her daughter’s life better than what she had. Prior to our conversation, she had not known about the trial I had been through, but I was able to listen to her and relate to some of the things she was feeling and what she’d been through. We struck up a friendship, one that the Lord had provided for both of us. I think my experience helped her to understand and heal, and helping her was helping me to heal as well. I found that by using my trial to help someone else, it blessed my life. After our initial conversation, I left the room and found a quiet place to cry, tears of gratitude to my Heavenly Father for putting me in the place He wanted me to be. Even though I had not appreciated being transferred, I knew I was supposed to be there, and I was so grateful for this tender mercy.
I was finally happy in this job, knowing that Father had a hand in it. I was actually excited about the prospect of not knowing where I would work from year to year, because I would be where Heavenly Father wanted me to be. He could shuffle me around from place to place and I would be happy. Then I received a call from my previous employment telling me a job opening had come up and they wanted me back at their location, no transfers necessary for this job. Accepting this job would mean that I would no longer be shuffled around, but would have job I could depend on. Finally some security! But I was torn. I had finally come to accept that I wanted the Lord to place me wherever He wanted me to be and I would be happy to do His bidding. Now I was being offered a permanent job with people that I adored. What should I choose? I didn’t know.
I called a dear friend and asked if I could come and talk to her. I went to her house and told her of my dilemma. She asked me a simple question, “Which thing makes you feel more light? Which one doesn’t feel as light?” We talked about the differences between feeling light and dark, but this decision was different. I felt quite good about both situations. Her advice to me was to choose the job which made me feel more light. I realized that the thing of more light would be the one that Heavenly Father would want me to choose. So I pondered and prayed and made the decision to accept the permanent job offer. That choice felt peaceful and good. I was able to return to good friends at my previous workplace, and doing this job would prepare me to qualify for other employment in the future that would make me very happy and bless my life. I will always be grateful to my dear friend who helped show me how to make important choices in my life by using Christ’s light.
A few thoughts about choice:
- When faced with two good choices, maybe it’s not important which good thing we choose, as long as we choose to follow Christ. If both choices will lead us in a good direction and bring us to a place of more light, then we have chosen well. It is easier to keep a positive attitude if we have followed the Lord’s light.
- We make choices everyday about the things in our lives – when we wake up, what we will wear, what we will eat, what music or entertainment we will watch, and many others things throughout the day. But we don’t just have choices over things. We make choices over our attitudes and how we will act toward others.
- When we are confronted with a problem, the only time we will ever be totally down and out is if we choose to stay down and don’t get back up and continue on. We can stay down and refuse to carry on and let something or someone else ruin our lives, or we can choose to rise above the darkness and carry on with confidence and faith in ourselves and in the Lord.
- We are God’s children and we were born to be glorious beings, not inconsequential nothings. We can choose light, or we can choose dark. The grey areas of choice are not an option for the heavenly beings we are meant to become.
- No matter when or if bad things happen to us, we still have a choice. Our minds may be confused by events and circumstances, but personal choice remains consistent with God’s plan for us. No one can take that away. It is a gift from our Savior. We choose – it is OUR choice if we follow the light or the dark. We can and must choose to follow and stay in the light of Christ. It makes all the difference.