Month: March 2021

I’ve often felt that having just a “feeling” about something is harder for people to believe than believing in something we can see. It is easier to trust and rely on something that we can physically see, because it has actual substance.  As human beings, sometimes we don’t trust what we can’t see. 

I’ve asked myself, if I believe in an eternal life, which I can’t currently see with my own eyes right now, then why do I believe it?  I believe it because I’ve had “feelings” deep down inside me that at times seem more real and longer lasting than my physical surroundings.  My “not seeing” and just “feeling” makes the idea of living in eternity feel much more real than the proof we seem to require with our physical eyes while on this earth.  So why do we give ourselves these physical limitations?  Why can’t we see beyond our current sphere of existence?  What makes us all wise and all knowing that we think we have all the answers?

During a weekend getaway, we rode through a very small town.  As with many small towns, the idea of removing old buildings to make way for new development is just not necessary.  I like this about small towns, because you get to see pieces of the past intermixed with progress.  In wide open spaces, there is no need to remove a structure to make way for the new – there is plenty of room for it all. I spotted an old building (pictured above) and within it I saw the past, someone’s home where they had lived an interesting life.  Because I love history and stories of the past, I imagined a family living in a small but functional home surrounded by land they farmed.  This place had once been a brand new home and I’m sure that family never pictured that their home would become a dilapidated shack. 

I see faith in this picture.  Even though the building is currently not in its’ prime, at one time it was.  I can see the remains of what was once something more and I believe that though it looks rundown and useless now, that it once stood proud as the central location of people’s lives.  In other words, I have faith in something I can’t see.

What does it mean to have faith?  That question has been asked time and time again through the ages, as if it’s some kind of mystery.  To me, faith means believing in something that you can’t see with your physical senses, but your spiritual senses tell you that it’s true.  Faith feels tangible if you can see things with spiritual eyes, and there is no mystery about it. 

The dictionary describes faith as, “Confidence or trust in a person or thing.  Belief in God.”  That is one good explanation, but seems incomplete.  Belief in God is a necessary component of faith, but I think faith can be better described in the scriptures.  In Hebrews 11:1 it describes faith this way,  “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”  In another version of the Bible, this same scripture passage has even more clarification, “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”  Assurance takes the mystery out of faith and adds the element of hope that is the fundamental element of faith.  Other ideas about Faith are things which we hope for but can’t see, or believing in something that can’t be seen with the eye.

Faith is an essential element to have in our lives. Faith is not a stagnant condition, but an action word.  Our works and attitudes show that we are not just waiting for God to bless us, but we are preparing to receive His influence and guidance and asking Him to be a part of our lives.  We exercise faith by showing a belief in Him and desiring to make a connection to God.  We make an effort by praying, fasting and reading His words in the scriptures.  Just as physical exercise makes our bodies and minds stronger, by exercising our faith we become emotionally and spiritually stronger.  We increase our faith by practicing hope and trust in the Lord.  Our faith cannot be strengthened without doing those things that will increase it.

Many places in the New Testament there are examples of Christ healing believers, who have come to Him having full faith that He can and will heal them.  Whether it’s the blind man who gains his sight, the leper who is healed of his disease or the woman that touches the hem of His garment, Christ tells them all, “Go thy way, thy faith have made thee whole.”  But in Mark 5:34, He takes it a step farther by saying, “Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.”  Do we consider that our faith can make us whole?  My experience tells me that faith can make us whole from whatever “plague” affects our spirits.  Can we see why it is so important to have faith during our trials?  By having faith and exercising it, we become witnesses to the power and majesty of God as He teaches us and heals us through our hope and belief in Him. 

As I went from day to day enduring my trial, I noticed that I was feeling so much peace in a very un-peaceful time.  I have read that after the trial of our faith, then comes the gift.  I think the gift of having faith is being blessed with peace.  I found that I could get through my days, my burdens being easier to carry because of the peace I felt.  That peace became everything to me and without it I couldn’t have endured the trials.  One day I spoke with an old friend that was having her own troubles.  She asked me how I got through my trials, and I told her it was because I felt peace.  I was surprised when she asked me, “is that all?”  I responded to her that it just wasn’t “all”, to me having peace to carry me through was everything. 

There are many descriptions of faith.  Some say that faith is: believing something in your heart when your logic tells you not to.  Another description is that faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen.  I believe that when we turn our desires totally over to Christ and desire His will above ours that we are exercising the purest form of faith.  We can’t have more faith than to totally trust God. 

Many people do not have enough faith in themselves.  People that have been abused in one form or another have had faith in themselves ”beaten out of them” in a sense, striped temporarily from their souls, maybe not literally but figuratively.  Finding faith in oneself after losing it can come back by having faith in Christ.  Having faith in the Savior, our brother that was willing to die for you and me and save us from an eternal death, will help us to understand that His love and sacrifice for us, means that we are worth loving.  He knows we are worth loving!  Coming to know Christ helps us learn to know ourselves, our true, eternal selves that were created by a loving Heavenly Father…not the earthly view that we have of ourselves, but the heavenly view that He sees.  We are more than we can comprehend. 

The world as a whole is often unaware of the purpose of life.  The idea of faith is overlooked as people seek for other things that take its’ place.  But having faith and belief in Jesus Christ is the biggest point and purpose of our life’s mission.  People in Christ’s day often refused to see His mission and His miracles because they refused to see the purpose of His mission.  They talked around it, found fault with Him because of their own traditions, and just could not see the magnificence of Christ because He wasn’t exactly what they were looking for.  They expected their “king” to be sitting on a throne, not lying in a manger and walking the dirty streets of Jerusalem.  They missed the whole point of His being, because they were quibbling over semantics.  Christ was and is the main point of our existence, the center of our faith and our Savior.  That is the point.

I believe that I have been blessed with the gift of faith.  It has never been difficult for me to understand the gospel.  I’ve always viewed it as the greatest gift in my life.  I know it’s not that easy for others to have faith, but I know that we can all develop faith.  I believe the most important faith we need to have is “Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.”  Faith in something or someone or situations is also important, but having faith in Jesus Christ covers so much more of our lives. I have pondered on this idea probably more than any other gospel principal because I think that statement is profound.  We hear in lessons or conversations that we should have faith that something will work out, that someone will be blessed in their infirmities, that our prayers will be answered, etc.  But true faith IS faith in Jesus Christ – that’s the kind of faith that matters, putting our whole trust in Him, believing that He will help us out of our misery.  Having faith IN Christ means that we put our belief directly in Him, that what He’s taught us is true and that we can put our very lives in His most capable and loving hands.  We can have faith that He knows our sufferings, He knows the big picture of our lives and we can allow Him to guide us through anything.  If we can turn our desires to Him and allow His guidance in our lives every day, then we won’t need to worry about what happens to us.  All we will need to do is to turn to Him, pray and ask that we will be aware of the direction He would like us to go and notice the miracles that He will send specifically to us. 

There were times that doubt and fear tried to creep into my heart.  Fear of what the future held was a huge roadblock for me at times.  When we can’t see what the end result of a trial might be, it is easy to get wrapped in the “now” of what we are going through instead of believing in the possibilities of “what might be” in the future.  Staying in the “now” of a trial too much may keep us from having the faith that is needed to keep moving forward.  When doubt surfaces to the top of our trial heap, we need to give the Lord equal time in believing in Him, and having faith in His purposes and His power to heal us.  And as we give way to belief and faith, we give faith the power to grow.  Maybe like the old broken down house, we used to be something much more than what we see now.  I have faith that we can rise above our current extremities and be so much more.  My faith tells me that I must not doubt it!

This last section or part of my story holds the most value for me – the healing.  Looking at the content of my story I see something that surprises me.  There were 8 chapters to explain my trial, but there were double that – 16 chapters where I describe the significant lessons I learned from this experience!  That in itself is noteworthy, because it shows that there is life after pain.  Those lessons learned have led to the final stage of my understanding and progression, which was to heal.  Healing is the best stage after a trial, and proves that the bad things that happen in our lives may begin badly but they don’t end there.  The healing completes us.

One of my favorite movie lines comes from a wonderful movie, The Sound of Music.  During time of Marie Von Trapp’s despair, the Reverend Mother tells her this, “when the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.”  That sentiment may be hard for some to believe, but it has always been true in my life.  There are times when the dark clouds have gathered, sending a violent storm.  Just when you think the storm will never end, the sun peaks through the clouds with a brilliant glow, sending down rays of light bringing hope that the destructive part of the storm is ending and we are showered with the light.  I love to see that image in the sky and clouds bathed in light after a storm.  Through imageries time and time again, nature reminds us of vital lessons to be learned in our own lives.

I have recognized through the years that it’s what comes after the storm, ie: our trials, that is the most important.  The trial itself may be short lived or ongoing, but how we respond to the trauma is more important than what happened to us. 

I will paraphrase, but a wise man told my oldest child this, “Your yesterdays do not have to ruin your tomorrows”. 

I love to go to the ocean.  Being by the ocean is healing and somehow the sound of the waves brings calm and peace to my soul.  When I’m there, my brain doesn’t do its’ usual hopping around from thought to thought or subject to subject.  In fact, it’s hard to me to think about anything.  It’s the one place where by brain seems to rest.  It’s such a welcome relief!

One thing that I love about the ocean is not only the beauty of the sand and water, but I love the consistency of the ocean waves.  Though they are not always the same size, shape or strength, they keep rolling in.  They will not disappoint.  Some are farther away from the shore, some come right up to the edge of the beach.  They are always there, one wave at a time.  Sometimes on the shore, the waves create ripples in the sand, reminding us that beauty can be shaped anywhere and that the water can leave a mark to show that the waves have been there, still consistent. 

This beauty, this entire world was created for us by a loving God.  The ripples in the sand remind of His hand in our lives.  If He created all this for us, then of course He will be a consistent presence in our lives. As the waves, He will not stop rolling forward in our lives and He will not leave us.  He is watching over us and if we turn to Him, He can leave His “ripples” in our hearts and His mark on our souls.  As the waves leave a mark in the sand, so can God leave His mark in us.

There is an idea I read many years ago about how God watches over us.  He doesn’t appear before our eyes (probably because as mortals we couldn’t bear His glory), but He does send others to help us and to answer our prayers.  That idea was central to my healing.  He is noticing us, watching over us and prompting our friends, family and maybe even strangers to connect with us in perfect ways that will help us.  As we pray to our Heavenly Father for guidance, we can be assured that He is aware of us each of us, watching over us.  And He’s not just watching, He is actively involved in helping us.  He sends people to us, to be an answer to our prayers.  He may also use us to be the answer for someone else’s prayers.   The caution is this…God does answer our prayers, but sometimes in different ways than we would expect.

What does “watching over” mean to us?  As a visual learner, I use my own experiences to connect with what this means.  As a parent if I am watching over my child, I make sure to take care of their needs – to see that they are fed, clothed, safe, happy and loved.  I participate in preparing sustenance, providing shelter from the storms and teaching them the things that they need to know in order to be safe, happy and live a full life.  Can we see that our Heavenly Father is doing the same for us?  As our eternal, heavenly parent, He is watching over us.  He desires us to be safe and happy, so He’s given us spiritual sustenance through scriptures.  He gives us shelter from the storms of life by providing the gospel, prayer and His love.  He teaches us the most important things that we need know to return to him through the example of His son, Jesus Christ.  I know our Heavenly Father does watch over us, and loves us beyond our ability to comprehend. 

God inspires us to serve others, and others are inspired to serve us.  His sends us, his messengers to do His bidding and encourage his children.  Many times we are the recipients of service performed by someone else.  We are served in various ways – in ways that Father knows we need the most.  It may be a friend that happens to stop by when we need physical help or a spiritual lift.  Another time it might be something that someone says in passing that gives an answer to our prayers or a speaker in a church meeting that makes a comment, inspiring us to go in a certain direction.  My needs have been met in countless ways through other people.  Answers to my prayers have also been met by unseen spirits not of this world. 

Several years ago a friend shared this saying with me, a quote from Pierre Teilhard de Chardin…“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience.”  Those words helped put things in perspective for me.  We are currently mortals, but we don’t have to be mortals hoping for a few exceptional moments in life where we feel connected to something more than our earthly existence.  We are spirits, coming from an eternal existence.  Our spirits have been sent to this earth to get a body, learn, grow and hopefully return to live with our father, our Heavenly Father!  We are first and foremost spirits, children of God that are here on earth for a short period of time when compared to eternity.  We are subject to this mortal experience right now, with all the limitations of a mortal body.  But we are still spirits first.  If we can get in touch with our true selves, our spirits, then I think we could experience this earth life in a totally different way than we do. 

Through all of my lessons and my healing, my counselor Mark was an important resource.  He helped me work through my pain by sharing with me the lessons that a counselor would normally share with a patient, but so much more.  He shared spiritual wisdom with me, for which I will be forever grateful.  I know that not all counselors can speak with the spirit, but he was one that could. 

When I was in counseling, my counselor Mark shared with me his personal near death experience.  He was in a hospital, having surgery and he died while on the operating table.  As his spirit left his body, he observed his mortal body on the operating table.  He saw doctors and nurses rushing about, trying to revive him.  He also saw other non-earthly spirits in the room with him and throughout the hospital, and he noticed that those spirits were observing, learning from the things that were going on around them.  His spirit eventually reunited with his body, but the lesson he taught me from sharing this experience was two-fold. 

1.  Mark knows that there are spirits all around us on this earth.  He saw spirits from both sides – some were good spirits that were trying to help him, and help and support all of us, and at the same time they are learning from us. I have felt a similar thing through the years, feeling supported by the light spirits from God.  Mark also saw evil spirits that are Satan’s followers, trying to tempt us and hoping that we will falter and become miserable like they are.  I have also felt dark spirits, trying to influence me for ill.  The thoughts the dark spirits inflict upon us are not who we are, and we must be careful not to believe the messages they try to plant in our minds. 

2.  Due to the presence of all these different spirits watching our lives, Mark had a strong confirmation that everything we go through has purpose.  We do not experience anything, good or ill for no reason.  All that happens in our lives has great purpose.  As Mark shared these things with me, I felt the spirit testify of their truths.  Knowing that everything we experience has purpose has helped me beyond measure.  I came away from that counseling session knowing that all the things I was experiencing, good and bad were all purposeful.  This doesn’t mean that the abuse should have happened.  It means that even the worst situations in our lives can have purpose.  I don’t see life as just happenstance any longer.  People have their agency to inflict pain on others, but if we are the ones that have experienced the pain, we can find purpose in the process as we recover.  In that recovery process, I believe there are no coincidences.  The things we may see as amazing coincidences are not that at all.  They are miracles from a loving Father in Heaven orchestrated perfectly to help us.  We must turn to Heavenly Father so that we recognize the gifts He sends to us.  We choose whether or not to accept or reject those gifts.  He will often help us even if we haven’t asked for His assistance. 

From that time on in my life, everything that I experienced changed for me.  I began to see the purpose in my trials.  Prior to this counseling session, I had felt that my life had been wasted.  I felt that someone else, Phil had the ability to step into my life and totally change it and ruin it for the remainder of my days on the earth.  That was wrong.  My life had not been totally ruined.  My life had changed to be sure, but I could decide from this point on if I was going to give in to the darkness of what had happened, or turn and seek for the light that would save me and my family.

Some people get mad when bad things happen to them.  They are angry at God for allowing the travesties of life to happen to them and those they love.  The anger comes from being hurt, from hurting so bad that you don’t know what else to do.  I don’t feel judgment toward people for feeling this way for a time, because their anger is a result of the hurt they feel.  But I do know that none of us have to stay stuck in that angry place and continually carry that hurt.  I don’t know why anyone would want to stay in such a miserable place in their hearts.  Though anger is a part of the grieving process, anger does not bring the ultimate needed healing.

Our Father in Heaven loves us.  He wants us to have happiness and joy.  That happiness and joy is often interrupted by sadness and trials.  But the only way to get us out of the trials that are weighing us down is to turn to God, not away from Him.  I don’t exactly know why, but my tests and trials turned me toward God.  I was hurting as I’d never hurt before, but I knew that if I turned my back on God that I would be giving up the very thing that would save me from this trial.  I knew that if I turned to my Heavenly Father and to my savior Jesus Christ, they would help me.  I learned to trust God’s purposes. I knew it was my only real hope of ever rising above my current problems and I knew I couldn’t do it without them.

As the years have gone by, I’ve watched people that can’t or won’t heal over difficult trials.  Somehow it is easier for them to stay stuck, to blame someone else for their problems.  Serious, life altering problems occur when we focus on blaming others for our circumstances.  I felt that I had every reason to blame my ex-husband for the turn of events in my familys’ lives.  There were times when I wanted to blame him, and it was logical to blame him for our current struggles.  I hated him for what he had done.  I hated that he had taken innocent childhood away from my children.  I also knew that if I stayed in that attitude, that those dark feelings invited Satan to have place in me.  Hatred only cankers the soul.  I didn’t want the hatred and hurt to change me, to lead me away from the One I knew could save me and save my heart from eternal destruction.  Blame doesn’t allow us to trust in God.  Blame doesn’t allow us to make personal progression in our lives, but rather it stops us in our tracks and we are unable to move forward and progress.  Forward momentum and personal progression come as we seek for the Lord’s guidance and His light.  He wants us to “press on”!

Stubbornness – it’s a word that seems to have more negative connotations than positive.    I have always been a bit stubborn, hopefully not to excess, but I definitely have had my moments.  I always thought it was one of my worst qualities.  But I learned something new about being stubborn – it can actually be your friend during the times when you need to press on.  The positive part about stubbornness is not giving up.  My stubbornness ended up being part of my salvation when used for a positive reason, such as survival of the soul.   I determined that I was not about to let Phil’s choices ruin the rest of my life and the lives of my children.  I could choose to continue to feel the sorrow, pain and anger or I could trust in “Heaven’s embrace”.  I stubbornly chose to be wrapped in the comfort of my Savior. 

As I chose to trust in Christ, I received the capacity, ability and spiritual/emotional strength much stronger than my own to cope with this new life.  The Lord carried me through my trials.  As I looked to Him for desperate guidance, it was given.  My trial was not taken away, but the Lord strengthened me in my extremities.  I felt peace and was able to continue on, even to press forward with faith. 

Often our own ideas and perceptions of spiritual matters hold us back from further understanding.  Often the answers to our prayers are not usual and may be unusual.  We need to be open to the Spirit that He will send us, open to receiving messages that may seem unconventional, and think “outside the box” of our present understanding.  The scriptures often mention the “mysteries of God” as something to seek for.  I believe the mysteries are only mysteries because we haven’t set aside our own preconceived notions about what things mean.  In order to understand the mysteries, we must open our hearts and minds fully to the Spirit while setting aside our predetermined limitations.  We need to trust in God and believe that He has a plan for us.  Our present concepts are not enough.  As the world changes, our present concepts will not be enough.  We will need to trust in God more and more, believe there is a purpose to our suffering and always remember that He IS watching over us!