To begin this chapter, let’s establish the meaning of the word “pioneer”.
- (noun) A person who helps create or develop new ideas, methods, etc.
- (verb) To help create or develop (new ideas, methods, etc.)
For many years I didn’t like the word “pioneer” and what it represented. I had a strong dislike for pioneer stories of the 1800’s and how hard they worked to move to the west and set up a new life out of practically nothing. (If you love pioneer stories, don’t give up on my attitude just yet.) It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate their sacrifices, hardships and the amazing things they did, it was because they are often immortalized. I, on the other hand, was experiencing modern day hardships and I felt like a piece of dirt, shunned at times. Pioneer stories praised and admired those sufferers (as they should be), but their tales were like scraping fingers on a chalk board to my ears. I couldn’t listen to them, which made me feel worse. I didn’t want to hear about their terrible troubles because I was dealing with my own. I guess I might have been angry that their stories got so much attention. I didn’t want any attention for my trial, rather the opposite was true. I wanted to run and hide my head in the sand. But I felt that I was going through something every bit as hard and equally terrible as the pioneers had, but nobody talked about the type of experiences my family was having. Who would want to? My troubles were not “faith promoting” things to talk about. The subject of child sex abuse was taboo, too painful or imapproriate to bring up in a church or public setting. People didn’t want to talk about abuse or to hear about it. Of course the subject was too hard, too uncomfortable for people to hear. I understood that, but for me…I was living it, forced into addressing it. I didn’t have the luxury of ignoring it. Life appeared to me as if everyone else was going on as usual with their own lives while I was living hell on earth. So listening to or reading history of pioneer stories was emotionally painful and I didn’t want to hear them anymore.
After a while and some healing of my own, things changed. Considering the things I had been through, I started feeling like a pioneer in my own right. My counselor Mark worked with children and families that had experienced abuse. I longed to connect with other women who were going through similar things as I was and share our pains. One day I asked my counselor if there was a support group among the women he worked with, other women whose husbands had sexually abused their children. He said there was a group, and the women got together to talk about their experiences. I was excited at the prospect of connecting with other women who understood what I was going through. I asked Mark if I could be a part of the group so I wouldn’t feel so alone in my troubles. He said that I could be included, but cautioned, “Sophia, you won’t want to be a part of this group.” “Why wouldn’t I?” I asked. “Because these women have chosen to stay with their husbands” was his reply. My initial reaction to this information was disappointment and disbelief that other women chose to stay in a marriage where their husbands had abused their own children. Indeed, I had chosen to end my marriage which was the only way I could feel peace. I told Mark he was right, that I couldn’t and wouldn’t want to be a part of such a group. Though I had received my answer from God to leave the marriage, I had also come to understand that I could not stay with a man who had taken away my children’s right to choose. They had been acted upon before their little minds could even understand the concepts, behaviors and actions Phil imposed upon them. I could not remain in a situation like that.
At this stage of my story, I wish to state that I do not judge other women for their life decisions. I have grown and learned that I can’t judge others about the choices they make for their marriages. There are many situations that are difficult for endless reasons beyond my understanding. None of us can be inside someone’s head and fully understand their experiences. But I will add this one admonition that I believe with all my heart – mothers and wives that stay in a marriage and family where sexual abuse is present, knowing that their children are being abused and not standing up for them is wrong. Though I can’t understand why a womans’ decision would be to remain in a marriage with an abusive husband, my hope is that fear will not keep any of us from leaving a situation that is damaging to our children’s souls.
So there I was, in some ways like other women who had been through this experience, but very unlike other women in my predicament. For the first time I realized that I was a pioneer in this subject of life, choosing a path others did not choose. I was pioneering a new way and had the conviction and unwavering belief that I was doing the right thing for my family. That pioneering action would make all the difference in mine and my children’s futures.
A change came over me regarding pioneer stories, and I began to love hearing any and all pioneer stories I could get my hands on. I felt a love, appreciation, admiration and a kinship to them for the hardships they had been through. These were amazing people of the past, these courageous and heroic people who left something behind in exchange for something better. I understood them now. I realized that we all have more in common with them than we might think. Now I wanted to be a part of them, and I wanted them to welcome me into their circle. Their trials were very different from mine, but I wanted to be counted among them. I couldn’t imagine their sufferings, but at times I got the feeling that they wouldn’t be able to imagine mine.
Later I would seek out their stories to strengthen me. If they could get through the wilderness and their trials, then I could do it, too. My “wilderness” might be different from theirs, but I still had their example and their courageous strength to show me the way. I love pioneers and I love their stories!
In this stage of my life, I’ve thought a lot about the pioneers of the past and their trials. Often they left a comfortable life in search of freedom, but their journey wasn’t an easy one. Though many had wagons, most walked a long way, wearing out shoes, coming across unfriendly people or territories, sleeping on the hard ground, running of out supplies and food – in many cases barely able to survive. I’ve also thought a lot about our day and what things make us modern day pioneers. What are our struggles in a modern day world? Additional definitions of a Pioneer are: “One who is among the earliest in any field of inquiry, enterprise.” “To act as a pioneer. To be a pioneer of or in.” Have you ever considered yourself a pioneer? Have you ever had to deal with a trial that was unusual, out of the ordinary or make a decision for your life that was something you never imagined you’d have to deal with? Have you ever felt all alone in your struggles but persevered and hung on to hope until you came to better days in your life? Have you ever been hurt by someone and later had courage to reach out and help someone else because you understood what they were going through? Have you had others be-little you or taunt you or try to get you to do something that was wrong, yet you stayed strong and rose above their attempts to bring you down? If so, then you are a pioneer in your day!
Pioneers of the past were sometimes driven from their homes because of their belief in God. Mobs came and destroyed their homes, harmed their families, sometimes killed them and threatened them making it impossible for them to stay where they were. They trekked to escape the persecution that the mobs inflicted. In our world today I believe that we also have “mobs” around us. They may not be typical of those mobs of the past, but have a negative effect on us just as the mobs of the past had on the pioneers. Our “mobs” may lurk in the shadows and attack us slowly and methodically in a way that is almost imperceptible. Technology that adds to our lives also has a dark side; pornography, negative social media and obsessive /malicious computer games that keep us from focusing on things of light. Maybe our “mobs” are the love of money over the love of God and human relationships, music that brings a dark spirit or abusive behaviors that harm others for our personal benefit or gain. Just as the pioneers of old trekked away from their mobs, we can find the courage to shun the “mobs” that attack our lives every day. We can choose to stand for goodness and seek the light found in the gospel of Jesus Christ as we leave our “mobs” behind. We can fight against the evils of the world and we can step forward and trek toward God. We really have more in common with the pioneers of the past than we may think. We are all modern day pioneers, and that’s exactly what the Lord wants us to be.