Webster’s Dictionary describes millstones in two ways: Millstones, noun. 1. Either a pair of circular stones between which grain is ground, as in a mill. 2. a heavy burden. Both the physical properties of a millstone’s basic function of grinding grain and the actual weight of a millstone (heavy burden) are applicable to our lives.
The first description of a millstone is its’ physical state. Millstones have been used for hundreds of years to grind grain and nuts. Romans, Greeks and Egyptians all used millstones to crush their grain. When I visited the Holy Land, the millstones I saw were ancient, from Biblical times. They were large, often three feet in diameter. Millstones are heavy stones that have been cut into a circular shape and look somewhat like a tire, flat on each side. In order to do the work of grinding, there must be a pair of millstones. One sits at the bottom as a base or “bedstone” and is stationary while the other is placed flat on the top of the base. The top stone has a hole in the middle into which the grain is poured and is called “the runner”, rotating on top of the base stone. Grooves that have been cut into the face of each stone serve as knives, helping to cut, grind and crush the grain into a meal or flour as it moves between the stones. Millstones are meant to be heavy so the pressure and weight between the two stones may refine the grain in order for it to become flour. Millstones were an essential part of people’s lives and were considered “mighty” because they served an important purpose – to break the shell of the wheat, making it workable so that it could be made into the life giving bread that was a staple of their lives and survival.
The second description refers to an emotional description of a millstone. There are several scriptural references to millstones in the Bible. It is interesting to me that in the scriptures the Lord points out a much different purpose for a millstone than the basic use it had at the time. The scriptures I am referring to don’t deal with the functionality and importance that a millstone was for people in their daily lives during Bible times, but instead the weight of a millstone was used to point out the severity of certain crimes. The people knew the mighty and weighty nature of millstones, and the Lord uses to a millstone illustrate how it could be used against an offender of children. In Matthew 18:6 after the Lord has said that, “Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.” Then it continues, “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” In Mark 9:42 we find this message repeated, “And whosoever shall offend one of these my little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.” Millstones are powerful and heavy enough to pull a person down, and if one were to be hung around someone’s neck and they were then tossed into the sea, it would surely take them to the bottom of the ocean. With that millstone “hung about the neck”, there would be no coming back, no escape – the weight of the stone would make sure of that. The description is quite severe – a final reward in the depths, someplace dark, someplace where there is no air to breath, no hope of surviving, someplace where life ends. The scripture verses not only serve as a warning to those who chose to offend children, but they tell us that drowning in the depths of the sea may be preferable to the actual consequence that would happen to someone who chooses to harm our little ones.
In my mind I have pictured a millstone around the neck of my ex-husband. It doesn’t give me satisfaction that this might be his reward, nor do I have feelings of revenge or relief to think this may be his eternal consequence for deplorable behavior. I see it as a death sentence to the soul. In this case, a father whose job it is to care for, comfort and protect must face a terrible judgment from God if that father chooses to abuse his own child. I know that God sees all his children as His own, and would not want His little children to be abused, not one of them! I see the Lord’s strong language about little ones being offended and millstones “around the neck” as being the consequence of a perpetrators behavior, and I understand why the Lord spoke so strongly. Phil’s abuse was a criminal offense that altered the lives of the children and all that were affected by the abuse. Phil’s life was ruined, my life was forever changed.
This second description in the dictionary of a millstone being an emotional one, “a heavy burden” does not apply to the offender. It applys to the one that has been offended. Sexual abuse experienced in childhood places an emotional, mental and spiritual burden upon children that have been abused. The child (or adult) that has been abused carries a tremendously heavy burden resulting from the abuse. It affects them in several ways:
- The innocence of childhood is taken from a child through abuse. Their bodies are used for someone else’s selfish desires and sick pleasure, and their spirits have been demeaned and disrespected. Their little minds are still growing, learning behaviors and maturing and are not capable of understanding adult behavior and actions, or the place that sexual behavior has in an adult life. They do not have the capacity yet to deal with a sexual experience. When children grow to be adults, they can then understand that sexual interaction with their spouse should be one of light and goodness. But a sexual act is confusing and upsetting to a child, not to mention the physical harm it may inflict.
- Introducing a child prematurely to something that only mature minds can understand may change their association of what real love should be. An abused child deals with a dark experience and a heavy burden of their own – a twisted view of what love and being loved should be. Being loved is confused with being objectified due to a perpetrators’ deviant behavior, and real love becomes a difficult concept for abused children to understand. This is crime! Because all of God’s children deserve to feel true and abiding love.
- Through the process of abuse, Satan has been introduced to the child and invited into their lives by the offender in a way that should never be. The result of Satan’s presence through this horrific action is staggering. The darkness of his influence is haunting and affects the way they can function and perceive the world. It becomes a mental and emotional fight for them to make their way out of Satan’s grasp. Their sweet souls of light have been taken to a place of such darkness, and particularly during an abusive session, their ability to choose to stay in the light has been taken away, at least for a time.
I consider all this the “heavy burden” of the millstone of abuse.
Sexual abuse is a huge burden in a person’s life, a burden that requires professional help and is a burden that only the Lord can ultimately heal. I believe in miracles. I have seen them in my own life many times, particularly as I have gone through this horrendous experience. Though I was not the abused child, I believe the millstone of abuse is a heavy burden that can actually teach the one that has been offended. These “millstone like” experiences do change you, but I have observed that the changes abuse causes don’t have to permanently keep a victim in a dark place. That emotional millstone you may carry as an abused child can be lifted. Your trial, your personal millstone doesn’t have to pull you down in the depths of the sea with your abuser. There is hope! Christ has taught that we can rise above our trials, and we can be in a place of light even though we were taken to place of darkness. That is the miracle! As an adult that has had to deal with heavy trials, I also know that our “heavy burden” millstones can be lifted with help of our Savior.
Just as the physical millstone crushes the wheat and changes it to be used for life giving bread, so we are refined by our personal millstones. It is painful to be “crushed” and changed in the process of our trials. These millstone trials have broken us down, requiring us to shed our hard and crusty exteriors so that we are pliable enough to be mixed with other spiritual ingredients that allow us to become like Christ who is the bread of life. Christ offers to take us in our “trodden down” state and tells us that He can make us into something whole and delicious to Him. He is the “finisher” of our souls that can take us from a broken, clay-like, powdery state and turn us into a beautiful, sculpted masterpiece!
As parents we understand that growth is needed in our children’s lives. We watch as a baby must physically learn to walk, talk, eat, and communicate as they literally grow up to an adult stature. Growth is needed throughout our lives as we change mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Progression requires that we must learn to grow and change and become more than we currently are. We cannot remain the same. We learn from experience, experiences that are hard! Though we don’t invite all the experiences we have in life, it appears that we have to go through them whether they are wanted or not. The refining process of our millstone experiences can help us grow. Our Savior Jesus Christ will help us, if we will only ask Him. He is our loving Shepherd, our wise Counselor, our kind Redeemer and the Prince of our Peace.