There are times in all of our lives when we feel like we’ve just taken a plunge and are swimming in cold, deep waters. Sometimes it feels that maybe someone has just pushed us into the deep and we can barely breathe, barely keep our heads above the water to survive. If we start swimming in spite of the sudden shock of the cold, keeping our eye on the shore, believing we can get there and swimming with all our might, the cold and the deep won’t have power to pull us down.
For many years as the date of my “hell day” approached, it was a difficult time for me. On the anniversary of that day I felt gloom and sadness, remembering the events of that life changing experience. Some years I would get busy and not be thinking about it at all, but the cells in my body and memory banks did not forget. If consciously I didn’t remember, my heart and soul did and I would suffer from feelings of distress just as I had on that first and terrible day. My subconscious couldn’t forget, maybe wouldn’t forget because of the memories.
That happened each year for about 10 years. I would get depressed on that anniversary day, sometimes before I even made the connection that my “hell day” had rolled around once again. After several years it started to get a little easier as that calendar day arrived, but the pain of it lasted for a long time. It has never been an anniversary day that I forget. Some years the day has been terrible for me, and almost every year I have felt gratitude that I was able to be liberated from a situation that could have kept me in a hellish state. Sometimes even now, more than 30 years since that day, I remember it with both sadness and thankfulness.
In the beginning, my counselor wisely told me that I would encounter some powerful feelings when this day came each year. My counselor, Mark called it “Anniversary Syndrome”. It was so essential that I understood what would happen to me – to my thoughts, to my self-esteem, to my heart as I remembered the sequence of events that would change my life forever. When any of us go through traumatic events in our lives, we must learn to be patient with ourselves. Grieving may occur time and time again, and rather than beating ourselves up over it, we must learn to love ourselves through the process. It’s also important to know that those disheartening feelings will pass over time, and we don’t have to start at the beginning of the pain with each anniversary. If you’ve been through trauma, expect the reminders of the day to come, then allow it to pass. Continue moving on, moving forward and progressing past those things which would and could permanently bring you down.
Memories are important things to keep. Of course the good memories usually stay with us, but the bad ones have their place, too. If we can go through the healing process by admitting the truth of the terror, giving ourselves permission to feel the pain and grief, permitting ourselves to go beyond the pain, then the memories serve an important purpose. It’s a wonderful feeling to know that you have been through something more terrible than you could ever imagine, and then realizing that you did rise above it! It is possible and of utmost importance to RISE. The memories may remain, but our souls do not have to stay mired in the gloom.
The Lord provides tender mercies along our life path to heal and to help us. On the 25th anniversary of my terrible hell day, the Lord allowed a new grandbaby to be born into our family. The birth of this beautiful baby boy has now changed that awful day into a day of rejoicing instead of day of
sadness. I don’t believe it was an accident that this new grandchild was born on that day or that it just happened that way, I believe and know that the Lord arranged the whole miracle of that birth to help heal me. Once again I praise my Father in Heaven for His loving kindness and merciful blessings in my behalf. Tender mercies happen for all of us. We just need to open our eyes to the possibilities of the miracle.